THREE MINUTE READ

Guest post by Emma Henry, Co-Founder, Mum, Wife, Daughter, Friend and more.

When Neets and Hels invited me to contribute to their journal to support the launch of pause and refocus - designed to help us prioritise self-care - I asked myself how do I relax?

As a mum of two, a wife of one, a fully signed up member of the sandwich generation*, and Co-Founder and Director of a busy Change Management Consultancy, my mind is a constant whirlwind of thoughts, of tasks, of things I must do and be. I’ve always had the perception of myself that I’m not particularly good at relaxing, but pondering the question has helped me realise that I’m better at carving out moments of tranquillity than I thought.

THE ART OF THE BATH
Those who know me well will have questioned once or twice whether I am, in fact, half-mermaid. When I have a bath, I really go for it. Candles on, lights down, bath salts poured - and I can be easily enveloped by aromatic warm water for the next two, maybe three, hours. For me, it’s an easy example of multi-tasking – physical cleansing combined with a ritual of relaxation – I’m not just bathing; I’m floating in a personal haven of serenity. Which is why my first order with pause and refocus was bath salts. I won’t deny - my bathing is accompanied by my phone in hand, but catching up on my social feeds, giggling at memes, picking up tips and tricks from influencers focused on my next calming indulgence is part of the ritual.

THE THERAPY OF TIDINESS
For me cleaning and tidying is a surprising source of solace. Stressful days means the clutter quakes in fear. My vigorous cleaning frenzies are not only a physical workout, but creating order soothes my mind too. Apart from the time I threw away the wrong pile and discarded every important life document, you know, like passports and birth certificates, and caused myself great expense, the ‘tidy home, tidy mind’ ethos does it for me. And while me and my label maker are the source of much familial mirth, everyone now knows which toy box the gazillions of metal Minecraft figurines reside in. It's my way of reducing the mental load as is a good list – sharing is caring and my husband loves it when I get the list pads out 😉

THE SOLITUDE OF STROLLS
Walking is the simplest form of escape. As my children, aged 13 and 9, become more independent, I can disappear for a walk for a few hours and the world doesn’t end. In fact, sometimes, they haven’t realised I’ve gone until I announce my return. Just as the first time I left the house with two children and just a clutch bag felt huge, so does my solo 6am power walk around my local area. Being a mum is full of chapters and this is a good one. Once a month I walk to the hairdressers on the other side of a country park. It’s a ten-mile round trip, but a ritual I relish, taking in the changes that each season brings and getting out and about in nature. And with a new ‘do’ on the return leg.

FUTURE FESTIVITIES 
I have to have social things to look forward. A ritual my Mum and I established a long while ago is to get together at the start of the New Year and get ‘things’ booked in. Admittedly, we go to the opening of an envelope, and they are sometimes misjudged. But we combine it with time together and a good meal, and when we get it wrong, we have a good laugh about it. It’s a ritual I’m establishing with my children too and hope they will look back on fun times with their Mum, as I do on mine.

THE RELUCTANT VIEWER
Television, often a mindless escape, is a conscious effort for some. That nagging feeling that something or someone else needs your attention is hard to ignore and is most definitely a learned skill. Sitting still and just watching the telly is not quite something I’ve cracked, yet the pull of a psychological thriller or a heart-pounding horror sometimes wins me over and reminds me that my own life is a little less complicated in comparison.

In the end, relaxation is deeply personal. It’s about finding what resonates with our soul, be it the silence of a bath, the orderliness of cleaning, the freedom of a walk, the enchantment of the theatre, or the thrill of a good show. So, take a moment, busy women of the world, to discover your sanctuary amidst the hustle. Your wellbeing depends on it.

*Middle-aged (the cheek!) adults who are caring for both elderly parents and their own children.